How Care Givers Can Care For Themselves

Around 40% of our clients are not cancer patients themselves. They are people that we are helping to cope with a loved one’s diagnosis. They are Care Givers, often referred to as Carers.

Care Givers provide invaluable support to their family or friends. They often do not think of themselves as a carer, as they may be simply being there, being a listening ear, being the person who is the shoulder to cry on, being there for a hug ! They fulfil countless tasks, often going above and beyond on a daily basis. If this is you then THANK YOU !

If you are a carer, it is vitally important that you look after yourself, caring for a loved one can be hugely rewarding, but it can also be very challenging. If taking time for yourself is something that you’re not very good at, allow yourself to be motivated by knowing that looking after yourself will help you to look after your loved one.

These are our suggestions for looking after yourself if you are a carer:

1. Accept Help

We know this can be hard, but carrying the weight alone can be overwhelming. Help can come in lots of guises. Here are some places that you can get help:

• Us! We have therapies and support groups that can really make a difference. Please don’t feel that you have to suffer in silence or that you have to do this on your own. We are here for you whenever you need us.
• Your GP. Take care of your own health and let your GP know about your caring responsibilities.
• Your employer. If you are working it is worth letting your employer know what is happening. Caring for someone with cancer is stressful and this can impact on your working life. If your employer knows your situation they are more likely to be understanding.
• Your local authority. They are obliged by law (under the Carers’ Act) to carry out a carers’ assessment to see what help you qualify for.
• Family and friends. It can be very hard to admit that some support would be helpful. If family and friends offer to help, let them. Even doing something small can help; let them mow the lawn or make your lunch or give you a lift somewhere. Even just going for a walk with a friend can help.

We understand that asking for help is not easy, but looking after yourself will help you to look after your loved one. Even if you are coping right now, it’s useful to think about what you would do if things change.

2. Exercise

Caring for someone with cancer can be physically and emotionally demanding. It requires immense strength and resilience. However, it’s essential not to neglect your own well-being. Regular exercise can have a positive impact on care givers’ physical and mental health.

Exercise is not only beneficial for maintaining physical fitness, it also boosts overall well-being. It helps to reduce stress, improves mood, boosts energy levels and enhances sleep quality. Exercise can help carers to manage the challenges they face.

We encourage all care givers to find activities that bring them joy and fit their schedule. Whether it’s going for a walk, practicing yoga, dancing, swimming, or any other form of exercise, remember that dedicating time to yourself is not selfish — it’s necessary for your well-being.

3. Take a break when you can

Even short breaks can be beneficial for your mental health. Do whatever works for you; watching TV, knitting, reading, talking to a friend, having a nap.

4. Try to be realistic

Make a list of everything the person you are looking after needs, then you will have a clear picture of what you are trying to achieve and whether it really is realistic.

5. Share how you feel

It is really important that you have someone to talk to. When you are caring for/supporting someone who has cancer your thoughts and feelings are really intense. Our clients have described their experience as; “I want to take it all away and make it better, but I can not”, “I feel so helpless” and “I just need someone to talk to…”

One of the ways that we support carers is with our Carers’ Support Group. They meet every month for mutual support and advice – as well as laughter, cakes, biscuits and tea!

It is really important to look after yourself. If you run yourself down or exhaust yourself, you will not be able to support someone else.

Here’s what Sue had to say about the group:

“The carers group provides an opportunity for me to escape the responsibilities of caring for a while in a safe, supportive environment. Carers are able to discuss experiences with each other and gain useful information from you to help them. There is no pressure to talk if you don’t want to (although I know I do)”

Rob said, “The Carers’ Group gives me the opportunity to share my experiences of being a carer with others in an informal environment and gain information on the various resources that are available to carers.”

Heather said, “The carers group provides a calm and supportive environment in which to chat, ask questions, share thoughts and experiences, drink coffee and eat cake! It provides a valuable couple of hours once a month to recharge yourself and realise that you are not alone.”

The Carers Group meets on the 1st Thursday of every month, 10am here at the Centre.

6. Find positives in your relationship

Caring for someone will often change your relationship with them, this is normal. Communication is key: Open and honest communication is vital in any relationship. Share your feelings, concerns, and needs with the person you are caring for, as well as with your loved ones. Having open conversations can foster understanding and strengthen bonds.

7. Embrace flexibility and adaptability

Recognise that relationships and circumstances will evolve. Be open to adapting your approach and finding new ways to connect with the person you are caring for and with those around you.

Are there things that you used to do together that you could still do in some way? Even looking at old photos together and sharing those memories can make you feel close again.

Care giving is filled with both triumphs and challenges. Remember to be patient with yourself, practice self-compassion, and celebrate the small victories along the way.

8. Really look after yourself

Nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Seek respite and carve out time for activities that bring you joy and rejuvenate your spirit.

Practice self-compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Talk kindly to yourself. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can in a demanding role.

Not all days will be good days, so be forgiving to yourself if you are having a bad day.

Celebrate even the smallest achievements and give yourself credit for your dedication. Remember, you matter too!

We also have a book recommendation for you: “The Carer’s Handbook” by Jane Matthews. Highly recommended by our clients, this book is a one-stop-shop for those of us who find ourselves in a caring role, now or in the future. It offers invaluable support and advice for all care givers. Our clients have found it immensely helpful in navigating the challenges of being a carer. We have copies available for borrowing at our library.

We know that being a carer for someone who has cancer can be hard. We want to remind carers that you are amazing. You make a difference every day. You are doing your best and what you are doing is appreciated, even if the person you are looking after doesn’t always say so.

Be proud of what you do, of the person you are and the difference you make.

If you ever need our support, we are here for you.